Why is it that we have to long relationships past its natural end?
Think of a friendship that no longer exists. Do you still remember how your friend or you insulted deserted? You won new friends, but you still feel that pain.
Letting go of a Relationship
Remember that supervisor who made your life hell as you left to get a new job? You smile every time you think it's a sad sod that supervisor is, and the better you are now. Or do you resent the opportunity you lost as a result of that person, even if you won a lot more new jobs than the old one.
Then, of course, is your marriage. You have known for a long time that there is nothing of this relationship, but you still hold. You can not get a divorce or so you convinced. You are dying a slow death every day because your partner refuses to change.
Probably the most destructive relationship is to hold a wedding, because of all the social and cultural restrictions against divorce. Somehow we share the belief that a marriage should last forever, even if the statistics confirm that most marriages do not last forever.
If you end a marriage, it means that your relationship failed? That depends on what you take marriage
Let'S assume that you have decided to end the marriage because you found your partner is cheating on you. Of course the cheating partner is wrong and should take all the blame. Or maybe not?
Let's take a step back and look at the situation from a different angle.
You had specific expectations of the relationship. You made these clear expectations for your partner, who thanks and live up to your expectations. Everyone was happy and everything was fine. You were very pleased with himself.
Then you found out that your partner was seeing someone else. This of course, was devastating. When confronted his partner who had nothing to say, or they said it does not really mean anything or they said you won't. understand
Did you hear that? You heard what your cheating partner was saying to you?
It is not pleasant to realize that the relationship was all about you and your expectations. It takes effort and sometimes a great leap of courage to look at the face in the mirror and see that carries 50% of the blame to a relationship where a wrong person.
Cheating is just the symptom of the lack of communication in the relationship. Did you ever listen to your partner? Did you ever ask and find out what your partner really values?
Of course it is very disappointing to find that a person does not live up to your expectations. But in any relationship there are two people and both have expectations. One can have the vocabulary to express their expectations and values, while another person uses their behavior to express their expectations and values.
Who is wrong? The person who is wrong It is not the one who betrayed him. The person who is wrong. It is the only one who does not make the end of a relationship step back and do some introspection.
What did you learn with this partner? How do you grow from the relationship? What was the most valuable thing you got from the relationship? How does the relationship make it wiser and stronger? How was your partner the best teacher you could ever have had to learn that particular lesson?
Life is a matter of balance. For each light side, there is a dark side. And this is a little too obvious that we like to forget: for every dark side, there is also a light side.
The more we approach the natural conclusion of a relationship, the more we focus on the dark side and the pain of the relationship. This wound is so intense that we completely forget to look at the light side the gain from the relationship.
Often a relationship ends on the surface, but that does not mean we approach the natural conclusion. Think about divorces where the hurt and pain creeps over the divorce negotiations; and often for years later, long after the divorce was finalized.
As we get stuck in the equation that focuses on me, myself and I and the things they did to me he relationship creeps.
How to deal with paperwork or dividing possessions not end a relationship. Arriving in another, more fulfilling, loving relationship does not end a relationship.
The only way to end a relationship is to recognize how this relationship changed his best, and after thanking your partner to be a valuable part of the experience. Then let go of the relationship and hold the learning experience.
Yes, you can thank all partners for their contribution to growth, even if the raped or abused partner you, or was an addict. You had that experience so that it would destroy him, but that he would help him heal a split within himself.
The secret of winning to end a relationship is to recognize the nature of this division, and to move from division to integrity, gratitude and love.
While you hold the division and look for someone to blame for their hurt, you will remain divided, wounded and in a dark place. Understanding itself comes in small portions. Take small portions and grow with them.
