Breaking up long term relationship
When we suggest to talk about the relationship many flee, as if it were difficult to accomplish. It is true that some conversations wear out and leave us without power, but I think there is a basic difference between talk and discuss. The discussion usually implies a wish to prove its truth to the other, or even want to come out on top, to be right.
And many still with intention or not, end up humiliate, despise the other and especially their feelings.
Of course this only leads to more misunderstandings. Discuss the relationship, the famous DR is misunderstood, then we can think to talk about the feelings of each, in order that both feel good next to each other, and never the other way. When we want to genuinely talk to each other, that is, to make you understand what we feel or how a particular attitude or situation affected us, the intention is not to fight, but above all, be understood.
How is your emotional relationship? How often do you talk about the feelings of each? Is not it time to clarify some dissatisfy factions not to add up in resentment and sorrow? But when you talk so stay tuned for some behaviors, some make us to be closer to the other, while others just keep us.
Behaviors that affect the long-term positive loving relationship
- Turning back toward each other. It means responding positively to the emotional needs of others. This facilitates that with time, develop stable and lasting relationships. Back to the other generates less conflict, because both are in a relationship with the conversations we need to have. These conversations that demonstrate interest and concern for one another.
It is clear that we can not always be attentive to the needs of the other 24 hours a day, every day. But if you want to establish a deeper emotional bond with someone, go back in the direction of that person as often as possible. If you can turn toward the person who is important in your life, even when you're hurt, sad, angry, frustrated, your relationship will become stronger.
There are common emotional needs of all people. They all want: to feel part of something; have a sense of life control; be loved. When these needs are met there to maintain the emotional bond and a better quality in the relationship. That is, if the couple is able to continue to turn to each other satisfactorily, the link will be strengthened. There are times when one may be facing a particularly difficult situation, as financial hardship, lack of work, illness, loss of a loved one; many times these are further away when the best, for both, is approaching and count on the support of the other.
Whatever you are facing, not to do it alone when you have someone next door. Share what you are feeling can not solve all the problems, not make the pain go away, but understanding and empathy can help a lot to face this moment, further strengthening the relationship.
It is important to note that the trend to create and maintain the emotional bond is also determined by the history of life, especially the way we were raised and treated as a child. Many factors influence the willingness of a person to turn in the direction of who is important in your life, and the way in which emotions were treated in the home in which they were created. Learning to recognize and turn to the emotional needs of others can help create a more stable and loving family environment. And who does not want that? Examine your past and how you may have created your needs and how to deal with each of them.
Verbalize their other difficulties, making it clear that no obligation to resolve them, but be careful not to accentuate what you're so hard to overcome. For example, a person who has had a very authoritarian father, will probably have difficulty in dealing with authoritarian situations. When the other for some reason act as the father, will surely mobilize feelings that are trying to overcome. So it's important to talk, to make the others know how you feel before certain situations and attitudes.
If both are willing to learn, start paying attention and change direction when they make a mistake, it is likely that they can improve the relationship. The need to apologize, make adjustments, is not humiliation, weakness, but a sign of maturity and shows that people value each other and are willing to overcome the obstacles to stay together. It is overcoming conflicts that the relationship is strengthened. Example: The wife tells what happened during the day, and her husband shows interested, doing other questions, wanting to know more. This makes the wife feel important and that is heard, strengthening the relationship.
It can still happen just be aware of the needs of others. Imagine how you would feel if you had constantly seeking other's attention. Certainly, it would not be an unhealthy situation, and it can also affect the relationship. It is imperative that both are willing to act in the same direction.
Behaviors that affect the long-term negative loving relationship
- Go against the other: It means responding to a need in a negative way. How to respond to nasty comments, with an air of superiority; offenses; aggressive responses, which are provocative or contestants. Replies criticism, attacks on the character of the person.
For example, being ironic, humble, be aggressive gestures or words, disregard, disrespect all this causes the other to close; represses his feelings; this creates distance that causes separation. Regardless of the origin, back against the needs of other causes feelings are repressed, and the relationship may end, although take a while.
Example: Wife says they could buy a new television, and the husband responds, "and what you mean television" The conversation breaks down immediately.
- Move away from the other: It is when you do not pay attention to the emotional needs of another person, being indifferent, or having an answer silence. For example, while a speaking something other continues doing something, not returning towards the person. This occurs when a person is saying something and the other continues reading, watching television or looking at the computer and gives an answer whatsoever. It also happens when an answer talks about another matter. That is, the person did not hear the other, is not interested in what the other is saying, or when there is an answer only silence, as if the other had spoken nothing.
The removal is in fact destructive, as the conflict intensifies, generates feelings of grief, loss of security and the relationship tends to end soon.
Example: Wife apologizes for what he spoke before. It touches again on the subject during the night and her husband no answers.
We must consider that some people feel very difficult to talk about their feelings, especially when it was not stimulated in the family environment. Therefore, some reactions are related in how emotions were treated in the family of origin. Once again it is talking that understanding arises, is the life history of each previous emotional relationships, because all this can contaminate the current relationship.
When you are attentive you can see along the coexistence emotional needs of the other person and respond to it. Whenever we ask a question, we have a gesture, a touch towards the other person, we expect an answer, it is natural, and when there is not frustrate us disappointed in hurt.
Assess your relationship and the emotional bond between you. The demonstration of wanting good, open space to hear and be heard, without criticizing, judging, but with a sincere desire to understand one another, certainly facilitate the formation of ties and pave the way for a deeper and more meaningful relationship.
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