The pain can be excruciating, although there is no open wounds in the body. The grandmother tea and cervix best friend can to ameliorate it but healing in distress glance, it seems that will never arrive. Doctors and psychologists confirm what you already suffered from love evil (and who ever?), Tried to argue for those who say that despair was in your head: the brain processes pain of a broken heart in the same way that a physical pain. And there is no consensus on the ideal recipe to make it pass.
Tips healing a broken heart
Suffering for love is one of the most primitive feelings of human nature. Unlike other animals, the design of human existence is closely linked to care, never to be helpless.
- The infatuation is a situation where it is hard. When we engage affectively, we give the best we have. So when that precious feeling is despised, it hurts. The person will need time to establish that loss, equivalent to a bereavement - explains Carlos Kessler, graduate teacher in psychoanalysis at the Federal University of Rio Grande do Sul (UFRGS).
and a friend come to encourage you to vent about their misfortunes, think twice: for the American psychologist Walter Mischel, the Stanford University in California, talk about a failed relationship does not alleviate the bad feeling. On the contrary, it can make people feel worse. Ideally, evaluates it, is to distance themselves as much as possible of who caused you pain and - believe me - take two aspirins.
- There is a solid base of research to recommend a pain reliever. The autodistanciamento is also important because it provides a more objective view of reality. Each time the person has the experience, or to anyone, she gets depressed - says the researcher.
Away in good doses
The council "time is the best medicine" is not supported in science.
it is the distance that helps to overcome the end of a relationship, according to the expert in behavioral neurology Antoine Bechara of the University of Iowa in the United States. The brain, the body that has much more involvement in charge of the emotions of the heart, is responsible for activating the combination "butterflies + tachycardia" when you see the former love. On the other hand, your reason works for you to give a comeback. In this mix of feelings, who wins the fight?
- If the bad memories are too strong, it will be easier to reach your goal to move on - says Bechara.
Therefore, he suggests, avoid going to that square where they exchanged their first kiss or the church where the marriage was celebrated. Focus on the day that her birthday was forgotten or that fight he (a) you hurt. During the relationship, the worst times are stated in the name of love, in a concept called emotional blindness.
- The term explains attitudes that are judged to be bad for the outsider, but are not perceptible by the person concerned - points the analyst Tatiana Ades, a graduate degree in neuropsychology and Men author of Who Love Too Much, which addresses the pathological love, jealousy and possessiveness in abusive relationships.
unscarred
author of Why We love the American anthropologist Helen Fisher, of Rutgers University in New Jersey, search the neurological mechanisms related to the end of a love. A broken heart triggers a hyperactivity in a group of neurons related to emotional connection. When the absence of the loved one is not so painful, these neurons return to normal and the sadness is gone.
It will take a long time?
There is no rule, but the pain tends to last less than they expect the poor of lovesickness. Researchers at Northwestern University in Chicago, followed the love lives of 70 students and found that post-expiration recovery took about 10 weeks while they were betting that the pain would calm at 20. They went in profit.
An evil to be lived
Who takes the kick in the ass, shows research from the University of Colorado in the United States, suffers more from the end of the relationship, even though it was already unhappy with your partner. The neurologist Antoine Bechara points out that there is a tendency to have more desire for what we can not (more) have.
The neuroscientist Lucy Brown of Yeshiva University, New York, gives an example: the neurological system that makes it cling to someone is at the same level of hunger and thirst. When the office becomes unbearable, the brain blocks everything that is not related to hydration so you finally seek his glass of water. The same applies to love _ having someone thirst can not be just a metaphor, so.
To desencanar this fissure, you need to keep the brain busy. Start a hobby, make new friends or even start a new relationship can help. So its priorities are rearranged, opening doors for you to fall in love again.
- There is no neurological reason to say that it is better to overcome a relationship alone and not with someone else - said the American.
Care is needed, however. Before leaving for another, it is essential to enjoy the fossa. When the "mourning" is not seen, the trend is that the person falls later in the same kind of relationship that did not work (sometimes even with the same person).
- Today is outmoded be depressed, feel bad and sad. But there is an interesting side to it, which is the power-house work out what happened. The person who has a broken heart must face this pain and not want to get rid of it as quickly as possible - says psychologist Charles Kessler, UFRGS.
Of course there should be attention to the case of the pit turn something pathological that results in profound depression or obsession (in these cases, psychiatrists may even prescribe stronger medications). The analyst Tatiana Ades suggests even that period social networks are forgotten, otherwise increase pain and cause paranoia. Aside from that, says Kessler, the time of "mourning" mature human being:
- The forced euphoria no use. The person may appear to be good, but in the background is not. If she collect a bit, you will be able to reflect on itself.
